The Interim of Goals

It, In Actuality, Is Quite Peaceful...and Oddly Fulfilling.


Okay, so methinks (I sort of hate myself for actually writing "methinks") its time for an actual post on this blog now that I transferred the majority of it from tumblr. The fact that its been a really long time since I've posted anything on any blog--I guess-- just serves as proof to how crazily and super-humanly busy I am with school and other responsibilities that go along with my life.


Now the problem becomes: what on earth should I write a post about? Here's the problem. There really isn't anything extraordinary going on in my life. And to be honest, I'm fairly sure that I like it that way. I'm doing fairly well in school, I have an amazing boyfriend, I feel like I've really figured out some important lessons when it comes to friends, I have parents who are there for me when I need them, a general life plan (that honestly seems pretty legitimate) that from my perspective right now will generally lead me to happiness. Though things seem dull-ish right now, I'm really setting up for a great future. And I really am okay with the day-to-day. I definitely wish I could see my boyfriend more, but that will come in time. Funny things, goals.

Today is my wonderful boyfriend's birthday; Happy Birthday Buddy

MY ROOMMATE HAS AN AMAZING BLOG, jsyk.

http://fridayiminlovewithmakeup.blogspot.com/
Yea, its really awesome. Seriously, I've learned more about make-up from this blog than I have in my 8+ years of actually using/wearing make-up. So if you value the appearance of your face, you should read this.

I absolutely LOVE the use of color here, I can hardly stand it. New favorite color combination, I may just have to try something like them. And it makes me want to go back to Italy so bad!! Especially Amalfi with its beautiful coastline, and delicious gelato: Mora, Amarena, e Cioccolato <3 YUM. (and those who know me know that I really don't say 'yum'...ever.) 

Procrastinating In Procrastination

Ironic? Maybe a little.
Okay so I should probably be doing homework... but I'm not. Clearly. I guess I just figured that it's been a while since I've posted anything, and what a better way to procrastinate than to write, right here and right now?! I'm sure there's an even better way, but right now, this seems like the best option.


In any case, let's see...throwing all abandon to the wind, let us pretend that you, the reader (assuming anyone is reading this of course), are completely captivated by my current thoughts and feelings. Right now I have approximately three or four main ideas/thoughts swirling and circulating through my mind in no particular order:


-I have so much reading to do as far as homework goes, that I'm seriously considering just not doing it...
-I miss my boyfriend like crazy.
-Its getting fairly cold here fairly quickly, and I wonder if I should buy more, warmer clothes...opportunity for online shopping?
-Work isn't giving me anywhere near the hours I was expecting


And now, because I have a very strange feeling that these things aren't going to change anytime soon, I'm going to wrap this up. But don't worry! (for those of you so anxious for expansion of these thoughts, when the mood strikes, I will further inform you and explain them to you. In the meantime, methinks I'm going to post other randoms that may or may not have anything to do with them.

A Watched Pot Never Boils

Annoyingly Accurate; Just Some Thoughts and Observations


Have you ever noticed (I bet you have, unless its really just me) that things never happen when you want them to, or when you're anticipating for them to do so?
Waiting for a phone call. Leave the room, or become busy with something else, and one missed call later, you realize  what happened. (If a phone buzzes on a table, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?)


Wishing for free time. You're exceptionally, and superhuman-ly busy, and all you want is 5 seconds to sleep. When you finally get this free time, its when you're lonely. Everyone else is busy, there's nothing to do, you're not tired enough to nap. (there's nothing interesting on TV)...


I would think of another example, but I think you get my point...unless I'm the only one in the universe who suffers from the inability to control time and space. (but let me tell you, if I could control space and time...don't even tempt me with the idea).


Oh uncertainty, can't live with it, and without it....well reality would be something like alphabet soup...an unorganized amalgamation of everything happening at once. Now to decide if that would be a bad thing or not....

Murphy's Law; As Illustrated Through Move-in

"Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong."


Let me just preface this entire post by saying that if you want to read a story where everything goes smoothly, things go as planned, and stress/ anxiety is avoided completely... I recommend skipping this one.


So, as you may know, Thursday I was supposed to meet my new roommate on campus in the early evening. The plan was as follows:


Step 1:
Meet roommate, and pile her things in the car, drive over to the second union.
Step 2:
Retrieve her student ID, and drive to the desk near our dorms to get the room key
Step 3:
Get to the room, unload, unpack, and maybe have me spend the night.
Step 4:
The next day, open a bank account, pay some bills, show her around campus.
This all seems simple, and would have been too, had not everything gone wrong every step of the way.


First of all, her plane was running late, so that means she got on the bus late, which means she arrived on campus a little later than expected. Which would have been fine, really. It's not like I live 4 hours away, only 2 with traffic.


So in any case, we finally meet up, and load all her bags in the car. Her bags were about half my size, and my full weight, each, so the car was very full. We drove to the second union, and surprise! the ID office is closed. and the people at the desk are in every way the most unhelpful and unknowledgeable that they could have possibly been. they gave her a list of hotels for the night in case we couldn't get the key without the ID. Here's the thing guys, she's not 21 yet, so she can't sign for a room.


We then drove to the place that hands out keys. They were also closed. All the food places for students were closed. Sensing a pattern? So far steps 1-3 have been demolished and step 4 is nearly void.


So she came home with us, and stayed the night. It makes me wonder what would have happened had we not been so close to campus, or if I wasn't able to meet her. That would have been disaster. Way to go guys.


So when we got home, other randoms went wrong. Her lock on her suitcase was broken, my laptop was slow, I hadn't eaten dinner and was hungry, you know, the usual.
Then we all went to sleep (or in my case, tried to), and the next day we ate breakfast, got ready, and took a bus back to campus.


Once we got there, we had the issue of 6 bags and 2 purses to carry. All the way to the other student union. We started on the trek, and that's when I decided that it just wasn't happening. So then we crawled, dragging our stuff, to the nearest bus stop and waited for a metro bus.


We took the bus to our dorm's front desk hoping against all odds that they would give us the key to the room despite the fact that we didn't have her student ID. And if that didn't work, if they would just watch our bags. They ended up giving her a key and a key fob to let us into the building and our room.


Did I mention that there's construction surrounding our dorm building? Yeah, and the only other way we could find to get there is up a hill. At least a 45 degree incline. So we pile the largest bags into a cart, and I basically throw my body weight at it to get it up the hill. My butt is still sore. We gather the rest of the bags, and finally get to the door, to find...


Stairs! (hooray!) we empty the now useless cart, and begin struggling to get these ridiculously heavy, clumsy, and large bags into the building. We get them up the first short steps to find...more stairs inside! (and we're sweating buckets at this point).


We use the last of our strength to get the bags up the internal stairs, and into the hallway. We finally locate our room, and we're home free. There is absolutely no way that my roommate would have been able to do any of this on her own. It literally would have been impossible.
How in any way is that fair? Once again. Way to go guys.


Then, after dumping the stuff in the room, and washing our now aching hands, we leave to go to the second student union to get me roommate's student ID. We take the bus there. Apart from the worker behind the desk being inaudible and impersonal, all went smoothly.
Next, I helped my roommate open a banking account. Luckily, there was a location right inside the second student union, and with her new ID in hand, it went without a hitch.


Then we walked halfway across campus to a walgreens where she bought some essentials for the night, and we headed back to the dorm because my bus back home was scheduled to leave in an hour.


We got on a metro bus back to the dorm with a half hour to spare. After I walked her to our room, I left to catch the bus back home. I had about 20 minutes. It usually takes exactly 15 minutes by metro bus without traffic or construction, and at that time of day, I had both.
So, cursing in my head, I sat impatiently on the bus watching the clock on my phone. A block away from my final stop I book it off the bus because it was taking too long at that specific stop, and run with all my stuff and a pillow under my arm to the bus back home and made it with 5 minutes to spare. I bought my ticket, and then realized how ragingly hungry I was. At least it was only 1.5 hours until I would be home and be able to eat. The lady sitting next to me on the bus was eating. Figures. As you now know, I hadn't eaten all day, and I was exhausted.


I've just now finished packing for my scheduled move-in day tomorrow. Thank God. Finally, soon this madness will be close to over. I'm still excited, and I know all the hard work will be worth it, but I can't wait for the final result of that hard work.


Also, I want a hug. Just sayin'.

The Final Countdown!

Doodle loo do... duh-duh do do do!


Well that's my attempt at "The Final Countdown", but in any case, five days and counting! Today is the 23rd, and I officially move in on the 28th. It cannot come fast enough! I am so excited-- as pretty much anyone who knows me knows-- to pick up and go back to school. I can't wait for it, and everything that goes with it: independence, my own schedule, my 'own space', the ability to make decisions, and the resources to carry out those decisions. I am basically biting at the bit to go back.


In a couple days, I'll be helping my roommate to move in, so I'll be back on campus for a tiny bit. It's going to be like an appetizer, methinks to the rest of the year. I feel good about it, and here's hoping that it goes well!


I just feel so good about everything that's coming my way this year.
Granted, I'm a day behind on packing, and preparation, but I do have some time to get it done, and once I hit that patch of motivation to do it, I'll be on my way. In theory...I'll keep you posted.

The Thought That Counts

"Romeo, Romeo, Wherefore art thou like 20 years older than me???"


The other day I was thinking about chick flicks, romantic comedies if you will, and other well known romances and realized that, though I guess I really knew this all along, that romance-- or rather acts of romance--are really specific to the couple, or whoever one is trying to "woo". For the record, I loath the word "woo". I think it sounds stupid. It's up there with words like "knoll", "crouch", and "nibble". Also, Romeo, at her age, it still doesn't matter if she consents. Just sayin'. Therefore, you're weird and your story does not count in my book.
In any case, it came into my conscious that although it may be similar, or follow certain societal cliches, romance is rather idiosyncratic, and really that's what makes it so special--the uniqueness to the person, and its originality. It's how it's based in reality that makes it so 'romantic'. Paradox much?


It's all in the little random details, memories, quirks, and personality. Its about sharing, and pleasing an individual, for their individuality. I don't know, just some thoughts I ran across in my mind. That, and I find Titanic laughable--personally I think it would have been cuter if he had just drawn a stick figure.


I'm not saying however, that I don't find certain cliche things romantic (because believe me. I do. --see what I did there?), I'm just saying that it goes a little deeper than that for me, and as it should be, I believe. After all, it is the thought that counts, right?


.................................................


-a single flower, like a rose or a favorite
-handwritten notes or letters
-unexpected phone calls for no reason
-hallmark cards on non-holidays
-walks during the day, at night,in the sun, in the shade, you get the point.
-a box of chocolates with all the nasty ones picked out
-coming over unexpected
-thoughts
-clever sticky notes
-remembering my favorites
-stars
-stuffed animals, when it's not valentines day
-chocolate covered strawberries
-back and head rubs
-slow dancing
-putting his arm around me, any time
-being gentle
-pleasant and unexpected surprises
-carving initials
-the moon
-eating outside
-pulling out my chair and opening my door
-thunderstorms
-photobooths
-playing with my hair


.............................................................


told you, some are really random.

Pinking of a Dance Party (please and thank you)

Maybe Just a Little One?

Debating what color to put under my OPI white shatter nail polish, and leaning heavily towards "pinking of you". Yep, that's what I'm gonna do, I think. Listening to Dubstep remixes. Jeez this makes me want to go back to school. I want to go to a party and dance soooo bad. It just makes me want pretty much everything that goes along with being away at school. I LOVE LOUD MUSIC SO FREAKING MUCH. the kind where you wonder what the neighbors are thinking? Yea, that's the kind I'm talking about.

I love that feeling you get deep in your chest from a really good beat. Sort of like it takes you over, but not really. More like you're a part of it, and every move you make not only makes the music hit you harder, but allows you to fight back. It gives you just enough control, but takes just enough away. I love that feeling of breathing in pure sound. There's really nothing like it, I'm pretty much addicted to bass and a good beat. And I love to dance.

I found this short article to be very very accurate.

The bits that are in bold-face weren't so in the original.
_____________________________________

How To Tell If Somebody Loves You

JUL. 5, 2011
 

By RYAN O'CONNELL 

Somebody loves you if they pick an eyelash off of your face or wet a napkin and apply it to your dirty skin. You didn’t ask for these things, but this person went ahead and did it anyway. They don’t want to see you looking like a fool with eyelashes and crumbs on your face. They notice these things. They really look at you and are the first to notice if something is amiss with your beautiful visage!


Somebody loves you if they assume the role of caretaker when you’re sick. Unsure if someone really gives a shit about you? Fake a case of food poisoning and text them being like, “oh my god, so sick. need water.” Depending on their response, you’ll know whether or not they REALLY love you. “That’s terrible. Feel better!” earns you a stay in friendship jail; “Do you need anything? I can come over and bring you get well remedies!” gets you a cozy friendship suite. It’s easy to care about someone when they don’t need you. It’s easy to love them when they’re healthy and don’t ask you for anything beyond change for the parking meter. Being sick is different. Being sick means asking someone to hold your hair back when you vomit. Either love me with vomit in my hair or don’t love me at all.


Somebody loves you if they call you out on your bullshit. They’re not passive, they don’t just let you get away with murder. They know you well enough and care about you enough to ask you to chill out, to bust your balls, to tell you to stop. They aren’t passive observers in your life, they are in the trenches. They have an opinion about your decisions and the things you say and do. They want to be a part of it; they want to be a part of you.


Somebody loves you if they don't mind the quiet. They don't mind running errands with you or cleaning your apartment while blasting some annoying music. There's no pressure, no need to fill the silences. You know how with some of your friends there needs to be some sort of activity for you to hang out? You don't feel comfortable just shooting the shit and watching bad reality TV with them. You need something that will keep the both of you busy to ensure there won't be a void. That's not love. That's "hey babe! i like you okay. do you wanna grab lunch? i think we have enough to talk about to fill two hours!" It's a damn dream when you find someone you can do nothing with. Whether you're skydiving together or sitting at home and doing different things, it's always comfortable. That is fucking love.


Somebody loves you if they want you to be happy, even if that involves something that doesn't benefit them. They realize the things you need to do in order to be content and come to terms with the fact that it might not include them. Never underestimate the gift of understanding. When there are so many people who are selfish and equate relationships as something that only must make them happy, having someone around who can take their needs out of any given situation if they need to.


Somebody loves you if they can order you food without having to be told what you want. Somebody loves you if they rub your back at any given moment. Somebody loves you if they give you oral sex without expecting anything back. Somebody loves you if they don't care about your job or how much money you make. It's a relationship where no one is selling something to the other. No one is the prostitute. Somebody loves you if they'll watch a movie starring Kate Hudson because you really really want to see it. Somebody loves you if they're able to create their own separate world with you, away from the internet and your job and family and friends. Just you and them.


Somebody will always love you. If you don't think this is true, then you're not paying close enough attention.


__________________________________


Love you Buddy. <3

Some fun with ScribblerToo :) Slightly obsessing. Not too bad, though.

Re-spawning.

Getting Back In On the Action


So here's where I'm at right now (other than using horrible grammar): I haven't heard back from work yet (and apparently my 'department' has disappeared from the schedule that they sent out. What does this mean? No clue. I guess I'll find out...eventually...somehow. Really guys, the communication to employees is lacking. Just thought I'd throw that out there.), I'm concerned about this coming year and how everything is going to work out, what with blending everything together and making everything work (These things take routines, people!), and my legs hurt (I am personally boycotting the regular use of stairs until further notice.).


With all these changes going on at work without me knowing, let's just say I've become very familiar with the feeling of uncertainty. And I don't like it. I know that life is overflowing with the stuff (uncertainty that is)--and especially my life--but that doesn't mean in any way that I have to like it. Get used to it? Sure. I did last year at school with the whole room assignment thing, the food card deciding to not work, starting a new relationship knowing that it would be entirely long distance (for a very long time), friend drama (that's putting it mildly), parental health issues, etc you get the point. But really, is it too much to ask that an establishment send out a memo about huge changes? Because if they did, I most definitely didnot receive that memo. I would very much just like to know whats going on. Please and thank you.


And this coming year...well overwhelming and slightly intimidating begin to cover it, I suppose. And the worst part is, whether or not it be true, I feel like I'm really gonna be alone in it. If I don't get into routines with people that I care about (whether they happen naturally or are manufactured), its going to become very difficult very fast to maintain these relationships. This goes for pretty much everybody: friends, parents, boyfriend, you name it. I am really worried about how much time I'm going to have, or rather how much time I'm not going to have. If I want to make enough money for a car, for housing next summer, for food next summer before I get a job, for gasoline, for the other randoms that come up when you least expect them...I am going to need to be working essentially in my sleep. In fact, I'm probably going to have to start volunteering for those experiments that pay for participation (Is it bad that I'm seriously considering that?). So If I'm not working and earning money, then I'll be doing school work. I have to do well in my speech science class. Out of the three gateway classes for my prospective communicative disorders major, its the most if not close to being the most important. And that's just first semester.


Second semester, I'm going to either double-up on com dis classes and take hearing science and language processing at the same time, or I'm going to have to double-up first semester. I need to make an appointment with the department (in my "free" time). I know I'll have to wait and see on the academic stuff, but really, just not knowing (again with the uncertainty) is killing me.


But back to my original point, I have to get into social routines. And its going to take work. I don't want to lose anybody, or the connection that I have with anybody. I'm not sure that I could handle that. Not to mention that I don't want to go through all this on my own--I, like the rest of humanity, don't want to be, or to feel alone.


Long story short, everything takes effort. And the things that have the most worth, take the most effort.


And now, my legs. I would just like to point out that the reason I am personally boycotting the regular use of stairs is not of my own free will. The key word in the previous sentence being regular. Today, due to how sore my legs have become (Thank you lazer tag!), I could very easily be mistaken for having been a duck in a past life.


It is all so very worth it, however. Lazer tag was a blast (See what I did there?)! I don't really know how to describe it other than in an unconventional poem:
Warehouse. Tall buildings with fuggin' huge stairs. Blink-y headbands. Lots of crawling...and the smell of camaraderie.


I've just realized that that could also be used to describe a rave.


I had a great time, and am really glad I went :)

Balance, Tetris, and the Tight Rope

The Complex Art of Applying Equilibrium


Let me ask a question. In general, why is it that people hold each other up to the same standards to which they hold themselves? I'll chalk it up to human nature. I'm guilty of it (okay, I'm guilty of it about sixty percent of the time, if not more), but seriously it just doesn't make sense. Here's why: everybody has a different situation in life, and everybody is just doing their best to keep all the plates spinning.
I'm not saying that if someone spits in your hamburger its okay because 'they clearly have different standards of what's appropriate'... No, spiting in food is still not cool.
------
What I am saying is that no one has unlimited time and resources, without which no one can make everyone happy, no matter how hard he or she tries (especially since if one makes everyone around oneself happy, she herself tends to suffer either from not having her own needs met, or from just straight up exhaustion).


Everybody has different prerogatives and priorities tugging at their sleeves, and some require more attention than others. So here's the thing: sometimes we should try to remember that time turners don't exist (why not? Seriously somebody, get on that.), and be thankful for the times that others have had for us. This is something that I've learned this past year from being away at school, and all that goes along with it.


I admit, I've definitely had the thought 'What about me?' But I've realized that really its not a question of choosing one thing over another, or one person over the other and it never has been. Its more of a question of what's right in front of you versus whats slightly behind it.
Like Tetris. You're going to pay more attention to the L-shaped block hurtling towards the bottom than the box-shaped one floating seconds after it. Neither is more important than the other, because they could both potentially make or break your game. The L-shaped block just took precedence because of its current placement, you have more time, even if just a millisecond, to address the box-shape.


That is not to say that there should never be balance. There should always be balance. I know that, personally, balance is something that I really need to work on. And for the record, I suck at Tetris. Its just this: balance is difficult to achieve when your situation is constantly changing (or even if it feels like it is). But that's no excuse. An explanation, maybe, but not an excuse.


Everyone, myself included (myself especially), has room to improve, and that's why the whole 'standards' thing occurred to me in the first place. We're all just doing our best with what we have in the moment, and because we don't all have the same things vying for our attention, it is impossible to apply Bob's standards of living to Tom's, or Tom's to Bob's for that matter. We all just want to do well by the people we care about, and the people who care about us.
Ultimately, I intend to improve my balancing skills despite the difficulty embedded in my current situation because in my opinion, its the right thing to do. And luckily, I have almost impossibly understanding people in my life who empathize with me and are willing to help me learn the (tight) ropes. I have one hell of a safety net, and I'm so very thankful. Love you guys.

"There is one friend in the life of each of us who seems not a separate person, however dear and beloved, but an expansion, an interpretation, of one's self, the very meaning of one's soul."

"Each time you happen to me all over again."

-- Edith Wharton; The second from her The Age of Innocence, my favorite novel

A Post That May or May Not Be My First

So I guess, with my hair tied unwillingly in a stubborn (and slightly unfortunate looking, if i might add) side pony tail--high on my head, I make my first post. I accredit my curiosity towards tumblr to a couple of friends who also have one, so I suppose I will set out tumbling on my internet blogging adventure. Lets us just see what happens. Here's about where I would ask "what's the worst that could happen?" but seeing as I intend on being honest here...we'll just see.


I'm still trying to figure out how everything on here works (follow the tutorials? Not my style. Too much like right.), so bear with me (or rather bare with me--see what I did there?). Hopefully my posts will get prettier and more exciting with time and practice, and with the onset of school--assuming that I have time to post what with homework, work-work, friends, roommates, the boyfriend, applications, breathing, etc. You know, the usual.


I'm torn as far as going back to school, though... It'll be a change of pace for sure. I'll finally have some sort of structure to my day--which I've found that I need in order to function (Apparently I thrive in organized chaos, who knew?). I'll meet new people, meet-up with old people, my classes are relatively interesting so far as I can guess as of now, and I'll be earning money again which is far more than needed at this point.


On the other hand, I can already feel the fatigue creeping up on me from everything. I'm planning on taking more hours at work, which with my schedule being what it is (a very important class to my field of study, a history class--history not exactly being my forte, and two classes that appear to be narcolepsy inducing. not easy, just really really boring. But hey, at least there's no math!), may prove to once again challenge my superhuman abilities. Plus regular day to day chores. Plus out-of-town friends and in-town friends. Plus finding the time to bathe and dress myself attractively...lets just say I have no doubt in my mind that this semester, getting into a rhythm and keeping it, is going to be tough. Not to mention that both of my supervisors at work from last year will be gone by the time I start... Can you say wtf am I doing, why is everything different, who am I supposed to ask, and who are you people?!? because that's what I'll be saying come August 28th, my new move-in date.


I hope I can balance all of this. I haven't been doing too hot with balancing lately. I need unlimited time, or the ability to be in more than one place at a time with one mind and enjoy everything completely. Also, I need a car. not that its related, but it would solve a lot of my problems--which I wont get into now.


Ok, now seems like a good time to quit while I'm ahead.


-KT 

——————————————————————————————————-